Confidence…..

What does it mean to you? The past few days I’ve been thinking about this a lot and reading a lot of articles about it.  People talk a lot about self confidence and I don’t know about you but for me having confidence in my self is something I’m not good at, not at all. After all the way I see myself, I am just so full of faults and I constantly fall short of my intentions - how can I possibly have confidence in me as a human being.

If you were to ask me how I would describe myself, I’d say that I’m a creative dreamer. 

I constantly come up with ideas, visions and projects that I would like to work on. I keep notes of things that pop into my head and I always have the best intentions to carry them out. 

Being a creative dreamer does not always seem to fit with my daily reality of being a mum of 3, a wife and a pastor’s wife at that and my never-ending lists of things to do. There are some days when I barely get through the top 2 things on my list never mind working on a creative project! 

A beautiful relative of mine recently posted on facebook the question, how do you mums who work keep your sh*t together?

I had a giggle when I read this. The simple answer for me is we just don’t. I think we prioritise things and do what we can but we do have to learn to let some things go and know we are just never going to be able to have control over things in our lives.  We fall short of our own expectations and the expectations of other people.  It’s hard because if you’re anything like me, you want to do everything well, you want to have some sense of order and you want to achieve your goals not send your kids to school without play lunch because you forgot to buy yoghurts or having to miss your facebook live because your husband needs you to drop him to the airport and the kids are having meltdowns because they pinched the chocolate from the fridge and are now pyscho.

So anyway, I hope you guys are still with me here….. So as I was reading some of these articles about confidence, it really brought up some stuff within me. Stuff I guess I’d suppressed down for years. Feelings of unworthiness, feelings of being ugly, not good enough, not being loved, not talented enough and I could go on and on but just to make a point, I realised that if this was all the stuff I had to deal with that is inside me, then surely this sh*t it is inside other women’s heads too. We are constantly barraged with societies crap about age and what we should or should not be wearing, doing blah blah  so taking all that into account how could we possibly have confidence in ourselves?  We just fall so short! 

I knew a lady once who lives in Adelaide who was so put together, I mean she had 6 kids, was kind, generous, immaculate, a lawyer, ran her own boutique handbag business from home on the side, always perfect makeup, hair, dressed in Sass & Bide. Well I asked her one day. I said how do you do it? (meanwhile I’m dropping kids off to school in my pj’s) She said Janine I am just like a duck on a pond, I look serene on top but under the surface I am paddling away madly just trying to hold it together and you know what, I have help! I have a personal trainer, a nanny, a cleaner and a PA!! Wow to say my eyes were opened was an understatement! Here I was feeling less than, but suddenly I saw we are all just the same, doing the best we can with the resources we’ve got. Some of us just make it look easier than others.

So back to confidence, after working through some issues within myself these past few days, I realised something really great. I don’t need to have confidence in my self, in my humanness because as a Christian, I have confidence in God. I know I am good enough because I am made in His image and I know that he loves me even though I am so far from perfect, when I’m disorganised, when I’m juggling, when I lose it and have a tantrum… I know I am loved…

and so there is hope after all. 

So although a fab new outfit can make you feel amazing! It’s even better if your confidence comes from somewhere deep in your soul. You may not be a Christian and that’s ok, each to their own I say, but know that you ARE LOVED. Knowing that you are accepted and loved is the greatest confidence boost you can get. Confidence for me will never come from my SELF, it will always come from my creator.

I'll leave you with this scripture from Jeremiah 17:7

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.

Peace be with you, with love Janine xxxxx

April 08, 2019 — Janine Gierus